'Twas 2010 in Review
December 19, 2010
Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the workplace,
Not a creature was stirring – a hush to the rat race;
The pipettes were hung on the pegboard with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The PI’s were nestled all snug in their labs,
Their research empowered by funds up for grabs,
They had made merry, their ideas took flight,
Thanks largely to decades of breakthroughs with light.
When out on the lawn came a hum like a Harley,
And Rudolph a-shoutin’, “Santa-Dude, how come so gnarly?
Back in reindeer school, we kept our cool,
Quit thwacking my head, you doddering fool.”
St. Nick was so angry, his mouth went quite dry,
He’d imbibed in the bubbly – he could not lie;
Thanks to Sy’s stash he’d turned at the comet
Just a tad too fast – he’d started to vomit!
He jumped out his sleigh, tripped on a sprinkler,
His mind was all fuzzy – per Bell and Winkler,
“Pipe down, little fawn!” roared St. Nick, all snooty,
“My choices are sound – I play Call of Duty.
“Ahh, Rudy, my friend and my nemesis,
Up has flared the old mutagenesis.
Though I’ve got the advantage when it comes to offspring,
I’ll stop this nonsense; of love I shall sing.”
He was all right – a jolly good bloke,
A man of great girth, with every new Coke;
Such a big heart, with dollars to spend,
Like us all, he lived for week-end.
He did his best to keep adulthood at bay,
With feet on the ground, to not fall astray;
His teeth were so healthy, thanks to the wine waste,
And he reminded Rudolph – to giving, with haste!
"Now! Esther, now! Spencer, now! Ha Youn and Burr,
"On! Jackie, on! Joseph, on! Manish and Berch;
"To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
"Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
And then in a twinkling, I saw on the roof
Santa was smoking! Disgusting, uncouth!
For a moment I thought Santa quite daft;
Was it the diesel? The lead? Santa just laughed.
“I can’t get away from probes wireless,
I scarf Ho-Hos and Twinkies to cope with the stress.
I’ve got high-tech filters to manage the gas,
And I bring some awards to impress the top brass.
“But it’s getting old, this onslaught of aging,
So I’m decked out in red, to get hormones a-raging,
I’ve tried to be good, I’ve stopped all the gluten,
But I keep misbehavin’, I keep on a-tootin’.”
He was, though jolly, a wee bit sad,
For he remembered the fights that ma and pa once had.
His face, once round, was angled and bony,
And then – he recalled – the gifts like the Sony!
“For good boys and girls, it’s a party times two,
Stay off those drugs – your mom will say “whew”!
With Legos and blocks, for children a-cutie,
And purple periwinkle – a true gift of Beauty!
“For happiness this year, turn to some yoga,
Get out in nature, don thee a toga;
Chew up the gloom, sip up some Slurpees,
Take control of your genes, with the help of some herpes!
“We bring thee some bomb-wasps to take out bad beetles,
We bring relief from the pain, with pins and with needles.
We defy H7, and the dread superbug,
May your New Year begin with a big über-hug.
“I’m all springly and sprightly, thanks to the Mox,
I’ve got neurons a-plenty, thanks to the Sox.
My rhythms are fine, with a great QT,
Thank you, Arthur, for my CRT-D!
“Be thankful, ye all, that you have enough Dux,
And a job at a place with big payroll bucks.
Our health’s in the hands of the hens – no foolin’,
We best put our trust in Martin and Hulin.”
Along with advice, he gave out a maggot,
Saying, “Follow this guide, so cancer will bag it!”
His synapses were firing – more glia, we please!
As he powered the sleigh and aimed for Pleiades.
But the sleigh got all sticky – perhaps he was fatter?
No – he needed Ricardo and extreme states of matter.
Then with light tricks galore, far beyond the pale,
He set lasers ablaze to carve out a trail.
Stars filled the sky like flora of heaven.
Guided by rocks 500 million years old, times seven,
I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight --
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.