Before You Blame Yourself

By Ann Cornell, PsyD

Imagine stepping outside on a cold January morning in Rochester, wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Within minutes, you'd probably feel cold. You wouldn't blame yourself for shivering. You wouldn't conclude that you were weak or failing. You would simply recognize the situation for what it is: it's cold outside.

Most of us understand this when it comes to the weather. Yet when it comes to stress, we often respond very differently.

When we feel overwhelmed, distracted, irritable, exhausted, or emotionally drained, many of us immediately turn inward. We tell ourselves we should be handling things better. We wonder why we're struggling when other people seem to be doing fine. We may even view our stress symptoms as evidence that something is wrong with us.

But what if the first question shouldn't be, "What's wrong with me?"

What if the better question is, "How much stress am I carrying right now?"

Stress is not a sign of weakness. It is a normal human response to demands, challenges, uncertainty, and change. Just as our bodies react to cold temperatures, our minds and bodies react to stress.

Sometimes the sources of stress are obvious: a difficult project at work, caring for a family member, financial concerns, relationship challenges, or health issues. Other times, stress builds gradually. A series of small demands, interruptions, obligations, and worries can accumulate until we find ourselves running on empty without fully realizing how we got there.

When stress levels rise, our bodies often let us know. Common signs of stress can include:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Feeling more forgetful than usual
• Irritability or impatience
• Changes in sleep
• Headaches or muscle tension
• Feeling overwhelmed by tasks that normally feel manageable
• Increased worry or anxiety
• Feeling emotionally exhausted

The goal is not to eliminate all stress. That's neither realistic nor necessary. Instead, the goal is to recognize stress when it is present and respond appropriately.

Returning to our weather example, if it's cold outside, we don't try to convince ourselves that we're not cold. We put on a coat. We wear gloves. We prepare for the conditions.

The same principle applies to stress.

When life becomes more demanding, we may need additional supports. This might mean protecting time for sleep, taking breaks during the day, staying connected with supportive people, getting regular physical activity, setting realistic expectations, or asking for help when we need it. These actions are not signs of weakness. They are ways of equipping ourselves to navigate difficult conditions.

One of the most important skills we can develop is the ability to acknowledge stress without judging ourselves for experiencing it. Recognizing that life is stressful right now does not mean you are failing. It means you are paying attention.

Just as we prepare for cold weather, we can prepare for stressful seasons. The first step is simply noticing the conditions and responding with the same practical care and compassion we would offer anyone else. When we have the right coat, boots, and gloves, we can still enjoy a winter day despite the cold. Similarly, when we recognize stress and take steps to care for ourselves, we can continue to enjoy life even during challenging seasons.

If stress is beginning to interfere with your work, relationships, sleep, health, or overall well-being, Behavioral Health Partners may be able to help. Brought to you by Well-U, Behavioral Health Partners offers eligible individuals mental health services for stress, anxiety, depression, and ADHD. To schedule an intake appointment, call (585) 276-6900.

References

American Institute of Stress. (n.d.). What is stress? Retrieved July 13, 2026, from https://www.stress.org/what-is-stress

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Stress effects on the body. Retrieved July 13, 2026, from https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body

National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). 5 things you should know about stress. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health. Retrieved July 13, 2026, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/stress

Global Administrator | 10/1/2026