Stop Dating Abuse Before It Starts
Seeing your teen off on a date can give you the jitters. Unfortunately, parents also
must consider a particularly frightening topic — teen dating violence.
It's worrisome, but it's not inevitable. You and your teen can avoid potentially perilous
situations and reduce the risk for problems.
Abuse is defined by the National Domestic Violence Hotline as a pattern of forced
control that 1 person uses over another. Battering is behavior that physically harms,
causes fear, or prevents a partner from doing what he or she wants to do. It also
forces a person to behave in ways he or she does not want. Battering also includes
the use of physical and sexual violence, threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, and
The pattern often begins with criticisms and demands from 1 partner. A boyfriend may
dictate what clothes his girlfriend should wear or tell her which friends she is permitted
to see. The demands can worsen to threats and rage. Teens may not know how to respond
to the threatening behavior and "mind games." Teens may think that they are to blame
and that they deserve the abuse.
Teens rarely seek help. So parents should watch for warning signs.
Signs of physical abuse include:
Sudden abandonment of friends or activities
Change in looks or clothing
Sudden hostility or secretiveness
Refusal to let you meet a date
Signs of emotional abuse include:
Teaching the signs
Teen girls, especially those with self-esteem issues, may not always recognize abuse.
Teach them. Teach boys, too, because researchers say some boys seem to feel it's OK
to control girlfriends through violence.
It may be difficult for your child to talk about problems in his or her dating life.
Don't become angry or interfere if your child refuses to talk. Let him or her know
that you care and that you want your child to be safe. If you think that your child
is the abuser in a relationship, confront him or her about it. Seek professional help.
What if you think your teen may be in an abusive relationship? Offer this advice:
Always tell someone about the evening's plans.
Consider double dating when possible.
Have a plan for what to do if a date becomes abusive.
Avoid drinking and taking drugs.
Know and carry emergency contact information.
Trust his or her instincts.
Avoiding an abusive relationship is often a lot easier than getting out of one.