Finding Peace with Radical Acceptance

By Emma Michels, BS, BA

For many, the holiday season offers opportunities for joy, connection, and celebration, but it can also carry moments of tension, stress, and grief. Expectations surrounding how family gatherings “should” go, or how we “should” feel, can create an added sense of pressure.

Well-intending messages to “remain positive” or “just be grateful” can make it harder to process these challenging emotions when reality doesn't match our expectations. Practicing radical acceptance can help you navigate stress and difficult feelings by reducing the struggle against what you cannot control and helping you respond with greater compassion toward yourself and others.

What is radical acceptance?

• Radical acceptance is a widely used Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill that involves accepting reality as it is without avoidance or judgement.
• It emphasizes:
  • Willingness - allowing oneself to fully experience emotions, thoughts, or events.
  • Nonjudgment - maintaining a non-evaluative stance towards the experienced emotions, thoughts, or body sensations.
• Radical acceptance does not mean that you like or approve of what is happening; it simply means you acknowledge it. By letting go of the idea that something "shouldn't be happening,” you lower your resistance to reality.
• Radical acceptance does not eliminate pain, but reduces the added suffering that comes from fighting what is.

Examples of radical acceptance coping statements:

Notice when you are stuck in this "shouldn't be” or “why me” thinking, and try replacing it with these:

1. “My family gathering isn’t perfect, but I can still choose moments of connection.”
2. “This holiday feels quiet and different. I accept that reality, and I’ll create small rituals that bring me comfort.”
3. “I can’t control what happened, but I can choose how I respond right now.”
4. “My traditions have I can grieve that while also making note of what is still meaningful.”
5. “I can accept that some people will not meet my expectations, and I can focus on how I care for myself.”
6. “I don’t have to agree with everyone at the table; I can accept differences without adding to conflict.”
7. “I can let go of the idea of a ‘perfect holiday’ and allow it to be what it is.”

What are some benefits of practicing radical acceptance?

• Improves emotion regulation
• Lowers rumination
• Enhances recovery from distress
• Encourages compassion

Radical acceptance can be difficult at first. It is not easy to completely let go of making judgments. Start small by choosing one moment each day to intentionally acknowledge things as they are without criticism.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or struggling to manage stress in your life, engaging in therapy at Behavioral Health Partners may help. Behavioral Health Partners is brought to you by Well-U, offering eligible individuals mental health services for stress, anxiety, depression, and ADHD. To schedule an intake appointment, give us a call at (585) 276-6900.

References:

Or, A., Bronshtein, K., & Weinbach, N. (2025). The benefits of radical acceptance of reality as a standalone strategy for emotion regulation. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-025-07286-0

McKAY, M., & West, A. (2016). Emotion efficacy therapy : A brief, exposure-based treatment for emotion regulation integrating act and dbt. Context Press.

Global Administrator | 12/1/2025