Three Sentences to Save a Workplace Relationship

Workplace conflict is often not about practical issues or performance but about how people treat each other. An example is a coworker who makes a negative remark that causes you to feel hurt or offended. You are stuck with that gnawing reaction and festering anger. Here's the hack for stopping resentment before it takes root. It's called the "three-part assertion." It's a decades-old technique taught in couples counseling, parent education, and other venues. The rule for its use is to wait a day to cool down and then follow these steps before two days are up.

Meet with your coworker in private and share:
1) "What I observed/heard."
2) "Here's how it landed."
3) "What I'd like instead."

Here's an example after an offensive comment. "In the meeting yesterday, when I didn't know the answer, you said with everyone present that you were surprised — that's what I observed. It made me feel embarrassed and a little undermined in front of the team — that's how it landed. Going forward, I'd appreciate it if feedback like that came to me privately — that's what I'd like."

This three-part assertion formula works in many contexts at home and at work. It's specific. It lets you own your experience. It requires “I” statements that reduce defensiveness. It doesn’t take much time. You stay calm, and it has real impact to create change.

Global Administrator | 8/19/2026